Charmed & Dangerous: Making Bad Dating Decisions Since the 90s

Oh, the 90s…

(For your 90s viewing pleasure, post can be viewed as a Geocities page)

I was planning to reminisce on the good ol’ days of dating where people picked up the phone to call one another to plan dates, and everyone was direct, bold, and confident. Then I remembered that as a “Millenial” my entire adolescent life has been documented in excruitiating detail and maintained in a sad emo kid vault. So, I spent 2 hours reading old LiveJournal entries to find these gems.

ASL? Remember AIM? My parents got a second phone line because of me. When I wasn’t in a group chat cheating on my homework, or listening to Good Charlotte and Jimmy Eat World, I was talking about boys or talking to boys. Screen names have been replaced to be more ridiculous than they already were (I’m YoUnGnHoPeLeSs, obviously). All else remains as is:

XshayisthereasonX: .Hey do oyulike Derryl?
YoUnGnHoPeLeSs: well, i didn’t really get to talk to him that much but he seems cool
XshayisthereasonX: awww.
YoUnGnHoPeLeSs: y?
XshayisthereasonX: because he really wants to get to know you
YoUnGnHoPeLeSs: ::feels important::
XshayisthereasonX: He was liek OMG she is really really really really pretty
YoUnGnHoPeLeSs: OMG, really?
XshayisthereasonX: then he was liek I found a cool girl whos like me and isnt ugly
YoUnGnHoPeLeSs: hehe
XshayisthereasonX: he is so
XshayisthereasonX: likin you
YoUnGnHoPeLeSs: me? really? that’s odd lol. PPl don’t like me
XshayisthereasonX: he dose
YoUnGnHoPeLeSs: yea, that’s so wierd
XshayisthereasonX: lol
XshayisthereasonX: nah
XshayisthereasonX: I think he really wants to inow yu
YoUnGnHoPeLeSs: so he likes me…interesting lol…
XshayisthereasonX: yes sir
XshayisthereasonX: he’s all like
XshayisthereasonX: SO PRETTTYYY!
YoUnGnHoPeLeSs: no i’m not lol, and on saturday i looked like shit, my hair was in pigtails lol
YoUnGnHoPeLeSs: i looked like i was 4
XshayisthereasonX: he didnt think so lol
YoUnGnHoPeLeSs: lol
XshayisthereasonX: lol
XshayisthereasonX: AW SO FUCKIN CUTE!
YoUnGnHoPeLeSs: wats so fucking cute lol
XshayisthereasonX: you and derryl

Now if that wasn’t fun enough, I also have this little gem in which I asked a guy who I used to like to ask another guy if he liked me. That other guy was his best friend. Oh the fickle heart I had…

mickeyXmassacre: want me to ask ?
YoUnGnHoPeLeSs: if u want to.
mickeyXmassacre: he said yes
YoUnGnHoPeLeSs: ur lying… no way.
mickeyXmassacre: He didnt come str8 out
mickeyXmassacre: but he was like i got certain feeling for her
mickeyXmassacre: look
mickeyXmassacre: JoshBreaker: like im not in love with her but i’ve got certain feelings
YoUnGnHoPeLeSs: 🙂
YoUnGnHoPeLeSs: thats awesome.
mickeyXmassacre: Lol

If these two interactions weren’t a warning sign for my twenty-something dating life, I’m not quite sure what is.

Since “90s style” dating is out of the question, Pizza Hut already brought back the Book-It Club, The Magic School Bus is on Netflix, and clearly 90s (or most of 00s me) was not a positive role model…

What would I bring back from the 90s?

Clair Huxtable

What a fucking bad ass. Weren’t too many wealthy black families on TV in the 90s (or ya know, now, or ever…). Not only was she a lawyer, she was an excellent mother, brilliant, beautiful, and her and Bill were still “doing it” after five kids.

The Powerpuff Girls

Sugar, spice and everything nice. Kindergardeners that fought crime and once saved the world by eating brocolli. Also, shout out to Him for defying gender roles in 1999!

Young Topanga Lawrence & Angela Moore

Though both their story arcs revolved primarily around the show’s main guys, they still managed to challenge them and remain independent distinct individuals. I think this show taught me more than any other growing up how different loving supportive relationships can be.

Shout outs to Ginger Foutley, Sandy Cheeks, Angela & Charlotte Pickles, Susie & Alisa Carmichael, Patty Mayonaisse, Eliza Thornberry, Regina “Reggie” Rocket, Daria Morgendorffer, and Oblina for being the best fucking cartoon rolemodels a little girl could ask for.

As for the boys, well actually, I went to name some guys that should be brought back and I found glaring flaws in all of them. The brooding bad boys are not long term material, nor are the “I’m pretending to be your friend so I can sleep with you later” crowd. The clingers, egomaniacs, burn outs and commitmentphobes don’t really cut it for me either, though Will Smith, feel free to call me at any time. Overall, the 90s weren’t great for men. While I’ll admit some did redeem themselves in the end, none held a torch to…


The voice of reason, the protector, the loyal introvert with the cool room that takes care of everyone including his grandparents. The boy that set turtles free, and saved Christmas. The boy you really wanted to “like you, like you.”

So bring more powerful women back to entertainment and bring more boys back like Arnold to play opposite them!

Oh and this, still holding out for this:

Alright, I’m outtie!


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